On Monday, I had a moment of pure relief when I was told I WASN'T chosen for a job I'd applied for. I would have made $20-30k more a year than in my current role and the work itself is something I've done before and loved. But I would have had to leave where I have "the devil you know" and transition into a role that's very visible (Public Communications Director for the city I work for).

So my ASD need for routine and comfort overrode my ADHD need for something new and even overrode my very real need of making more money so I don't have to work a second job like I am now.

As an aside: My second job is gig work making deliveries from grocery stores and electronics stores and such, so I spend most of my time either alone in my car listening to music or shopping for a customer with both headphones in. Which means this work not only makes me extra money, but helps me decompress after a full day at my primary job.

But I totally get it. I've lived paycheck to paycheck my ENTIRE adult life in order to have experiences and live life and spend quality time with my son. And I don't regret a second of it. I'd rather be stressed from time to time about money and living my best life the rest of the time, rather than working at a soul-crushing job that sends me into meltdown or burnout or is boring day-to-day, but yay I make lots of $$? At what cost?